Legal

Terms of Service

1. Nature of the Site

The Site is a work of parody, satire, and comedy. It exists for entertainment purposes only. Every statement, caption, description, title, date, biographical "fact," and claim on the Site is fictional and presented for comedic effect. Nothing on the Site is, or is intended to be, a factual assertion about any real person, living or dead. Any resemblance to real events, arrests, convictions, occupations, diets, qualifications, or conduct is invented for humour and is not true.

2. Acceptance of terms

By accessing, browsing, or otherwise using the Site in any way, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, and agreed to be bound by these Terms in their entirety, as well as the Privacy Policy and Legal Notice set out on this page. Your continued use of the Site constitutes ongoing acceptance.

3. No affiliation, certification, or endorsement

The badges, seals, logos, marks, and "certifications" displayed anywhere on the Site are invented and are used entirely for comedic and satirical effect. They are not real certification marks and do not represent any actual accreditation scheme.

The Site is not certified, endorsed, approved, accredited, affiliated with, sponsored by, or connected to any organisation, corporation, body, association, or certification scheme in any way whatsoever. This should be self-evident, as the Site has nothing to do with food, agriculture, farming, or any product or service that could conceivably be certified. By using the Site, you agree that you understand these marks are present purely as a joke and that no genuine certification, approval, or affiliation is claimed, implied, or should be inferred.

4. Acceptable use

You agree not to use the Site for any unlawful purpose or in any way that could damage, disable, or impair the Site. You agree not to attempt to gain unauthorised access to any part of the Site, its servers, or any connected systems. You agree not to scrape, harvest, or systematically extract content from the Site by automated means without permission.

5. Contact feature

If you contact us through any form or contact method provided on the Site, you do so voluntarily and subject to the Privacy Policy below. You agree not to submit anything unlawful, defamatory, abusive, threatening, or infringing, and not to submit content that is not yours to send.

6. Third-party links

The Site may contain links to third-party websites, including social media platforms and advertisers. These links are provided for convenience only. We do not control, endorse, or accept responsibility for the content, accuracy, privacy practices, or availability of any third-party site. Visiting a linked site is entirely at your own risk and subject to that site's own terms and privacy policy.

7. Age of users

The Site is not directed at children. It is not intended for, designed for, or targeted at anyone under the age of 16, and we do not knowingly collect personal information from anyone under 16. If you believe a child has submitted personal information through the Site, contact us and we will delete it promptly.

8. Availability

We make no guarantee of uninterrupted availability of the Site and reserve the right to modify, suspend, or discontinue any part of it at any time without notice.

9. Changes to these terms

We may revise these Terms at any time. Any changes take effect immediately upon posting to this page. Your continued use of the Site after changes are posted constitutes your acceptance of the revised Terms.

Privacy Policy

1. Who we are

The Site is operated from New Zealand. For the purposes of applicable privacy law, including the New Zealand Privacy Act 2020, the Site operator is the agency responsible for personal information collected through the Site. Where the UK GDPR or EU GDPR applies to a visitor, the Site operator is the data controller. You can reach us using the contact details at the bottom of this page.

2. Information we collect

Contact submissions. If you use the contact feature, we collect the information you choose to provide, such as your name, email address, and the content of your message. Our lawful basis for processing this is your consent, which you give by choosing to contact us, and our legitimate interest in responding to enquiries.

Technical and analytics data. The Site is hosted and served through Cloudflare, which provides hosting, security, and privacy-focused analytics. In providing these services, Cloudflare processes limited technical information such as your IP address, browser and device type, referring pages, and pages visited on the Site. This is used to operate and secure the Site and to give us anonymous, aggregated statistics about how the Site is used. Cloudflare's analytics do not rely on tracking cookies or cross-site fingerprinting. Cloudflare may set essential cookies necessary for security and performance. For details, see Cloudflare's privacy policy at https://www.cloudflare.com/privacypolicy/.

Advertising data. See section 3 below.

3. Cookies and third-party advertising

The Site displays third-party advertising.

Third-party vendors, including Google, use cookies to serve ads based on your prior visits to this Site or other websites.
Google's use of advertising cookies enables it and its partners to serve ads to you based on your visit to this Site and/or other sites on the internet.
You may opt out of personalised advertising by visiting Google Ads Settings at https://www.google.com/settings/ads.
You can find more information about how Google uses data when you use our partners' sites or apps at https://policies.google.com/technologies/partner-sites, and about Google's advertising technologies at https://policies.google.com/technologies/ads.
Alternatively, you may opt out of some third-party vendors' use of cookies for personalised advertising at https://www.aboutads.info/choices/ or https://www.youronlinechoices.com/.
Third-party vendors other than Google may also serve ads on the Site and set their own cookies. We do not control these cookies and are not responsible for their operation.

Consent. If you are located in the United Kingdom, the European Economic Area, or Switzerland, a consent banner will be presented to you before any non-essential advertising cookies are set. You may accept, refuse, or manage your preferences, and you may change or withdraw your choice at any time via the link provided in the banner or footer. Refusing consent does not prevent you from using the Site; you will simply see non-personalised advertising instead.

We do not sell your personal information, and we do not run our own marketing or remarketing trackers beyond the third-party advertising described above.

4. How long we keep it

Contact submissions and the information within them are retained for up to 24 months from the date of the last correspondence, after which they are deleted, unless we are required to retain them longer by law or need to keep them in connection with a legal claim. You may request deletion of your message at any time by contacting us, and we will action it within 30 days.

5. Disclosure to third parties

We do not sell, rent, or trade your personal information.

We may disclose information you submit only in the following circumstances:

to service providers who help us operate the Site (such as our host and email provider), acting on our instructions and bound to protect it;
where we are required to do so by law, court order, or a lawful request from a regulator or law enforcement agency;
where necessary to establish, exercise, or defend a legal claim;
where you have expressly asked or agreed for us to do so.

6. Your rights

Depending on your jurisdiction, you have rights over your personal information. These may include the right to:

• Request access to the personal information we hold about you
• Request correction of information that is inaccurate or incomplete
• Request deletion of your information
• Object to or restrict certain processing
• Withdraw consent at any time, where processing is based on consent
• Request a copy of your information in a portable format
• Lodge a complaint with a supervisory authority

Under the New Zealand Privacy Act 2020, you may request access to and correction of personal information we hold about you, and may complain to the Office of the Privacy Commissioner (privacy.org.nz). If you are in the UK, you may complain to the Information Commissioner's Office (ico.org.uk). If you are in the EEA, you may complain to your local data protection authority.

To exercise any of these rights, contact us using the details at the bottom of this page. We will respond within 30 days.

7. Security

We take reasonable steps to protect information submitted through the Site, but no method of transmission or storage is completely secure, and we cannot guarantee absolute security.

8. Changes to this policy

We may update this Privacy Policy at any time. Changes take effect upon posting to this page, and the "last updated" date above will be revised.

Legal Notice

1. All imagery is AI-generated

All faces and character images appearing on the Site are artificially generated using AI image generation tools. These faces are synthetic. They are not photographs of any real individual. Any similarity between an AI-generated face on the Site and any real person is a byproduct of the generative process rather than a deliberate depiction of any identifiable individual.

2. Parody, redesign, and transformation

Every character, figure, and depiction on the Site has been deliberately altered, with faces replaced and imagery redesigned, so that each is a transformed parody rather than a reproduction of any pre-existing work. The Site comments on, exaggerates, and satirises through this transformation. It is intended to constitute fair dealing for the purposes of parody, satire, caricature, pastiche, criticism, and review, and does not aim to reproduce, substitute for, or compete with any original work.

3. No claim of ownership or affiliation

Where any element on the Site evokes a real person, brand, fictional character, or copyrighted or trademarked work, we claim no ownership of, affiliation with, endorsement by, or connection to that person, brand, character, or rights holder. All trade marks, service marks, and trade names referenced remain the property of their respective owners. All such references exist solely for the purposes of parody and commentary. No sponsorship or association is claimed or implied.

4. Personality and publicity rights

Nothing on the Site is intended to use, exploit, or trade upon the name, image, likeness, voice, or persona of any real, identifiable individual, and nothing on the Site should be read as implying that any real person has endorsed, sponsored, approved, or is associated with the Site or with any product or service advertised on it. The Site does not offer any real person's likeness for sale, licence, or commercial exploitation. Advertising displayed on the Site is served by third parties on the basis of the Site as a whole and does not constitute any individual's endorsement of any advertised product or service.

If you are an identifiable individual who believes the Site depicts, evokes, or names you and you would prefer it did not, contact us using the details below and we will remove the material.

5. Advertising disclosure

The Site displays third-party advertising and may earn revenue from it. Advertisements are selected and served by third-party ad networks, not by us. We do not review, endorse, guarantee, or accept responsibility for any advertised product, service, or advertiser, and the presence of an advertisement does not constitute a recommendation. Any dealings you have with an advertiser are solely between you and that advertiser.

6. Copyright complaints and takedown procedure

We respect the rights of others and will act promptly on legitimate complaints.

If you are a rights holder (or their authorised representative) and believe material on the Site infringes your copyright, trade mark, or other rights, send a notice to the contact address below including:

your name, address, and contact details;
identification of the work or right you claim has been infringed;
the exact URL(s) of the material you say is infringing;
a statement that you have a good-faith belief the use is not authorised by the rights holder, its agent, or the law;
a statement that the information in your notice is accurate and that you are the rights holder or authorised to act on their behalf;
your physical or electronic signature.

We aim to acknowledge valid notices within 5 business days and, where a complaint is substantiated, to remove or disable access to the material without undue delay. We would rather take a joke down than cause anyone genuine harm.

If you believe material was removed in error, you may send us a counter-notice containing the same identifying information and an explanation of why the material is not infringing.

7. No warranty

The Site is provided "as is" and "as available", without warranties of any kind, whether express or implied. We do not warrant that the Site will be accurate (it is deliberately not), reliable, uninterrupted, or error-free. Any reliance you place on the Site's content is entirely at your own risk, and you accept that the content is fictional.

8. Limitation of liability

To the fullest extent permitted by law, the Site operator shall not be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, consequential, special, or exemplary loss or damage arising out of or in connection with your access to or use of the Site, or your reliance on any content within it. Nothing in these terms excludes or limits liability where it cannot lawfully be excluded or limited, including liability for death or personal injury caused by negligence, or for fraud.

9. Consumer rights

Nothing in these terms affects any statutory rights you have as a consumer that cannot be excluded or limited by agreement, including rights under the New Zealand Consumer Guarantees Act 1993 or equivalent consumer protection law in your jurisdiction.

10. Indemnity

You agree to indemnify and hold harmless the Site operator from any claim, demand, loss, or damage arising out of your misuse of the Site or breach of these terms.

11. Governing law and jurisdiction

The Site is operated from New Zealand. These Terms of Service, Privacy Policy, and Legal Notice, and any dispute arising out of or in connection with the Site, are governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of New Zealand, and you submit to the non-exclusive jurisdiction of the New Zealand courts.

Where you are a consumer resident in the United Kingdom, the European Economic Area, or another jurisdiction whose law grants you mandatory protections, nothing in this clause deprives you of the protection of those mandatory provisions or of your right to bring proceedings in the courts of your place of residence.

12. Severability

If any provision of these terms is found to be unenforceable or invalid, that provision shall be limited or removed to the minimum extent necessary, and the remaining provisions shall remain in full force and effect.

13. Entire agreement

These Terms of Service, Privacy Policy, and Legal Notice constitute the entire agreement between you and the Site operator regarding your use of the Site and supersede any prior understanding.

Contact

For legal notices, takedown requests, privacy queries, or anything else relating to this page, reach us at:

Email: [email protected]

Postal address: REDACTED

We aim to respond to all legal and privacy correspondence within 5 business days.